Stories in a world of Spam

Programmers

2006-04-10T12:16:00.000+01:00

All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors. No question is ever settled until it is settled right. Action indeed is the sole medium of expression for ethics. The law hath not been dead, though it hath slept. Long live the new era of online medical care.

Metabo Quick Ultra

2006-04-04T16:19:00.000+01:00

I'll get right to the point. A complete stranger named Beulah Singer thinks it is about time I drop a few pounds and I think he is right. I also don't think it is very hard to lose some weight, in fact, I can look hot and healthy in a month for 24$ thanks to some new discovery - Metabo Quick Ultra.

The Metabo Quick hasn't been mentioned in the general press or at wikipedia, but I've been told that is highly effective and there are plenty of reliable scientific publications that support it.

I will order some samples and see what the results are. What is the worst that could happen?

Lonely sandwich

2006-03-31T11:32:00.000+01:00

Again mentioned thats did is?
A letters again.
Wrong sandwich different whom.
Mentioned sandwich filled shining fly did?
Rich thus use immediate side A?
End thus beautiful.
Why he happened.
Here you companion gym again money.
Mischievous raise here,
Wrong am pretty music being companion.
Miserable friends anything why he.

by Lindy Annelle January 2006

Defeat

2006-03-28T14:16:00.000+01:00

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. To expect defeat is nine-tenths of defeat itself. In our family we don't divorce our men - we bury them. Man forgives woman anything save the wit to outwit him. These guys deliver medication worldwide!

Extra Power

2006-03-17T09:34:00.000Z

Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about. Who the hell wants to hear actors talk? Working in the theater has a lot in common with unemployment. I think contraception is disgusting - people using each other for pleasure. Extra power? Don't think. Just act.

Diploma Degree

2006-03-03T10:01:00.000Z

Often I struggle to understand some complicated analytical techniques such as space-time K function, portfolio theory, Bayesian spatial regression or psycho-dynamic theories that emphasise the role of intra-personal conflicts in the aetiology and therapy of neurotic disorders. I also struggle with some of the simpler ones; I cannot even solve the simplest puzzles at perplexcity. I actually don't understand most things that are placed in front of me, since I cannot read, write or really think about anything that has any substantial meaning. In short, I am pretty stupid.

However, through hard work and a lot of web-surfing I obtained a Masters of Arts degree in Modern Cannibalism at Online University. Online University is clearly a centre of excellence in Education, it nurtures careers and leadership in science and technology for academically talented students like me.

Additionally, they post all certificates to any country and that, you have to agree, is very practical. Luckily, I had to do no exams, study, and coursework or attend any interviews.

The Online University is as well dedicated to encouraging international understanding among future leaders of the world. However, they also manage to be very discrete and affordable. Basically, everyone eligible to get a degree and rule the world.

Now that I have my top diploma, I am now considering a prosperous future, earning lots of money and general power. I reckon world domination is really the next logical step.

Anarchy

2006-02-24T17:11:00.000Z

Anarchy - it's not the law, it's just a good idea. The great end of life is not knowledge but action. Mothers are a biological necessity; fathers are a social invention. Seek not happiness too greedily, and be not fearful of happiness. Otherwise buy it at the online Pharmacy.

Youth and Truth

2006-02-03T12:31:00.000Z

Youth isn't always all it's touted to be. There are only two ways of telling the complete truth--anonymously and posthumously. I am getting software that I don't really need to create things that I cannot possibly imagine at low prices. And I am getting it all on time and hassle free.

Job Offer 1

2006-01-13T13:52:00.000Z

YES! I finally got a job offer. A company called IFSD has a favourable offer for me. Yes, you may think I am joking, but it is true... Simon Nicolas, the general manager himself, contacted me this afternoon. I will begin on the 7th February!

Apparently, IFSD is a "company engaged in the organisation of plans of reception of payments for private persons and the companies". I am not expert in this area, but I can confidently say that it sounds very interesting! Their "services are demanded by those who has requirement to accept remittances from clients in other countries". I am a bit lost. It will be a steep learning curve once I start there, but I a not afraid of new challenges and I like that Simon is willing to take a change on a highly capable individual like me.

The company conducts wide international activity and they work with both organisations and private persons from the various countries. The company's prospect seems great, they are constantly extending, entering new services and they are seeking representations in many different territories. Wow, this is a truly global and successful company. The way it should always be. This is where I come in. They feel the necessity of new employees in the territory I live in. They need someone to co-ordinate all this I take up the post of Regional Financial Manager. That is ME -- my friends will be so jealous! I will be doing some bank transfers, bank checks and simplifying remittances for our clients.

This is sounding very complicated. But Simon is very good at explaining. He says "The scheme of work is those: the Regional Financial Manager receives money resources and informs us on this. We in turn at once enrol the necessary sum on the account of our client. It allows you to save a lot of time - now the client does not need to wait for reception of money from abroad. As such scheme allows you to save money. From the sum of each transaction lead through you our company pays 5 %." Eh!? I am officially lost. But it sounds like a monkey can do this job.

They need someone between 21-60 years old or anyone as I would say, someone that has access to the Internet and email that works for at least 3 hours per day. Mmm, I don't know about that. My ISP is highly unreliable. Three hours a day is really pushing my system's capacity.

Anyway, this is my "really favorably chance to earn!" I am now filling in the labour agreement.

Well, let's get rich!

Man of Action

2006-01-11T18:51:00.000Z

The perfect man of action, is the suicide. Eliminating what is not wanted or needed is profitable in itself. The best audience is intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk. Safeguard the health both of body and soul. These guys are the only online pharmacy offering 100% satisfaction money back guarantee! They are also decentralised!

Genius and Stupidity

2005-12-13T16:57:00.000Z

The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius is limited. I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. Only the winners decide what were war crimes. Learn how to get this freedom... I mean freedom of choice.

Whats going on, ,were have you been

2005-12-07T12:10:00.000Z

I was listening to the mad religious chap on the corner of Kings Street and Old Street. He was making a lot of sense: "Annal americium dixon deluxe batik cheater concubine dianaberlitz ceramium." I didn't know that Dixons was an American company! More importantly I wasn't aware of Diana Berlitz, an anal concubine cheater.

The mad man continued: "Colza cider accentual beachcomb cheetah chugatreus. Conscionable criss aggregate. Conglomerate battelle atcoarsen." Cider is certainly full of sugar and that is clearly a problem for all of us, particularly with all this aggregate conglomerates battling for our tastes.

This was truly fascinating, he continued talking about food: "Chatty rocket smog bashful veto pulpit istvan whine bluish behind efficacious fruehauf. Depredate cezanne torus wrathful wit chest desert clench. Dreary inconsiderate attic checkpoint grubby." I never thought of putting a bashful of pulpit rocket salad and mix it with wine to get an efficient taste. I will make a note of that.

This guy is truly knowledgeable! He even knows that a desperate Cezanne used to direct all his wrath to his chest. Dreary inconsiderate consequences came out of this.

Anyway, I was lost in these deep thoughts and fascinated with the religious guy's powerful Latin. When suddenly, I saw Eli Tanner crossing Old Street. I said, "Hi Eli!". He replied, "Whats going on, ,were have you been". "What's with the double-coma Eli? Are you comma-stuttering?" I said. I continued "Anyway, I've been quite ill. I took some gone off medication and I had to be taken into hospital". I also told him that I am a bit frustrated, since I am technically broke, but I am expecting some fresh cash soon.

He seemed genuinely concern and asked me whether I was still going out with sweet Alva? I replied that she didn't exist, "it is a drawing, not a photo", I shouted slightly irritated! I also said that I've been trying some dating sites, but I am very frustrated with all those sites out there. "They just don't work, do they?", I said.

He told me that there is this new site which I should try. They've got thousands of real people looking for the same thing as me. They will categorise stuff under the categories of love, date, friend, or even one-nighter. I wonder what the level of popularity of the one-nighter category is...

At this moment, Charley Longoria arrived. Charley and I go a long way back. Both of us can bend over backwards like we don't really have a spine. He was also aware of this new site and he said that all they need from me is a profile that I will be able to fill out in less than a minute and then "BOOM!!" he shouted! Apparently, I will be able to get in touch with whatever kind of gal I choose.

Charley added "These ladies are looking for guys like you!". "Are they? That's strange... I never met ladies that were looking for guys like me!", I replied. However, Charley got me worried when he said "Its not gonna hurt just to try it out once... ". Hurt!? I wasn't thinking of pain, so why is he underlying that it is not going to hurt? Anyway, it's now or never, I thought!!

I am looking forward to my 3 Angel Kisses from Cocky Cooks and a White Head Berry!

Military Justice

2005-11-30T10:12:00.000Z

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men. Welcome to VIP quality software.

Health Books

2005-11-21T18:07:00.000Z

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. Ask advice only of your equals. Your best friends and family deserve the BEST internet photo album!

Amatuer Match

2005-11-17T08:32:00.000Z

Yesterday I went to my first speed dating event. It was awful. I met lots of ugly women trying their last desperate attempt to catch a man. I always suspect when women are actually interested in me. Let's face it, that cannot be good or healthy for the ladies. The only two decent ones didn't even want to talk to me: Allyson Enriquez a stunning Russian -- god knows what she was doing there -- and Beverly Engel a Canadian working part-time in a lawyer's office -- she threatened to sue me!

At the speed dating event I met a really nice chap with a strange email address, Franklin Parsons, who was himself also very disappointed with the event. He told me that last week he went to an amatuer match. I thought, what can be so good about an amatuer match? I often get really bored with professional matches!

Franklin said that he was sick and tired of meeting boring people on "genaric dating sites". "Genaric!? Is that infectious?", I yelled, but he ignored me and continued "I found the answer to our problems. The amatuer match hooked me with people that don't want the typical dinner and a movie date." Instead these people seem to be open-minded, highly sexualised and they live in my area! But, obviously, they don't like much talking or any kind of human interaction. Anyway, apparently, all this is without being a sleezy s-e-x place!

I was a bit disappointed with the sleazy thing, but Franklin gave me a couple of winks and shouted "I know you knew" and "xoloxo" before he left. Truly confusing, I am telling you...

Sinews of virtue

2005-11-14T20:51:00.000Z

Good company and good discourse are the very sinews of virtue. Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery. Fall seven times, stand up eight. Who begins too much accomplishes little. Cialis allows me to enjoy a fully normal sex life without having to plan the sexual act.

Waste of Time

2005-11-09T22:00:00.000Z

Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely. The spirit of the age is filled with the disdain for thinking. Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet. I think I know the best place to buy Viagra online at the best Viagra price.

5 Computers

2005-11-06T11:28:00.000Z

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. The more things change the more they remain the same. He who isn't busy being born is busy dying. I am buying the cheapest Viagra when it matters most!

Sweet Alva

2005-11-02T17:35:00.000Z

Last night was good! Apparently, however, as a Potter fan, I face a far darker prospect than the departure of a single character. The series itself must end -- Rowling expects to start working on the seventh Potter book at the end of the year. So, I took some viagra pills to forget this sad truth. Here it is a visual description of what happened (thanks Alva xxx).

fasteratez

2005-10-27T17:41:00.000+01:00

I am desperate for cash. Recently I tried to solve my problems by trying to apply for a new credit card. However, the bank told me that I don't have a good credit scoring. Actually, I don't even exist in the bank world... Apparently I haven't been generating enough debt in the past years, so banks don't want to do any business with me.

Luckily, I found fasteratez, a helpful bunch of people willing to sort me with some fresh cash. I visited their fasteratez website and spoke with Beatrice Holbrook. She promptly forward my details to Mohammad Yang a business manager based in Vanatu, son of a Saudi prostitute and a Chinese transexual.

He said that he can now get me $325,000 for as little as $615 a month and their rates are low and fixed no matter what! I asked what is the length of my payments. He replied, "don't worry about that, just fill in the application so I can get a 24 hour approval".

Great. I've been waiting for the money to arrive in my bank account all day.... I can't contain my excitement!

Thats how p/orn stars do it

2005-05-09T13:05:00.000+01:00

Wilfredo told me today that I need to increase my CUM (Capital Utility Margin) volume. I think he his right. Nowadays, I have very little capital and even less utility. Thus, no margin whatsoever to make anything decent with my life. Once I increase my CUM volume, I will increase, according to Wilfredo, my orgasm length. I can easily believe that, it is always easy to feel better about sex when you are rich.

I have to be careful with this new found wealth. Apparently, a combination of increased desire, "multiple orgasms, steel like erections, 5 times more volume and stronger ejaculation" will make anything around me at risk of breaking or serious injury. No wonder...

I enquired with Wilfredo about safe places to use these new found powers. He said that he doesn't know, but he advised me to try to be discreet as possible, since this financial tool, as any other, only works if few people know about it. But maybe if I contact frapped.net website and they will be able to help me.

All I want, really, is to finally beat my 15 year old record of the "longest most intense Orgasm of my life". This currently rate 286 out of 438 in the intensity scale derived by sexintensity.com.

Barclays Email verificat_ion

2005-05-03T09:58:00.000+01:00

I don't have a bank account with Barclays Bank. However, they are concerned that I don't have access to my emails. Kindly, they've asked a few of their employees to contact me urgently about my situation.

Their communication system is not very good, since four employees urgently tried to contact me at the same time. First, it was Brunhilda Burek requesting me to complete some form by clicking some random link in the email. I was too busy and didn't pay much attention.

Then Angelle Cashin emailed me with a similar message. She was very keen on knowing my "Barclays Membership number, passcode and memorable word". I didn't have any of the details with me, since I don't have an account. So I didn't bother.

Later that day it was the turn of Bello Bisson to tell me pretty much the same thing. By this time I was getting worried. Obviously there was something wrong with my non-existent account and I needed a way to check it.

So I clicked on the weblink for barclays.co.uk, but nothing happened... so I forgot about it.

Finally, Clareta Atteridge sent me one final email. She explained that this request was "done for my protection - because some of their members no longer have access to their email addresses and they must verify it". By this point I was terribly confused. I went to my nearest Barclays branch and told them to stop emailing me and I closed my non-existent account.

These big banks need to learn proper customer care!

Its not gonna hurt just to try it out once... Is your life a little bland?... costa voodoo

2005-04-27T14:48:00.000+01:00

I am looking for a girl. Not any girl, I am looking for a cheap girl, after all I don't have much money.

The other day I met Frank William on the street and he told me that he knows "the cheapest way I could ever imagine to find girls I want with no strings attached". I could not believe my luck. "Some have their own cams so I can check them out first, or just chat!", he continued. I said, "Frank, dear Frank, you have to let me know where these girls live, because I need to chat with them". Frank didn't know where they live... but he advised me to go and visit aztec website for more details.

Apparently, I will need to be thanking him tomorrow for this information and I will regret it if you don't visit the website! Pretty strong stuff, I would say.

However, something strange was happening to Frank on that day. As I said goodbye to Frank to go home and visit such interesting website, he rambled something odd. He said "pay pontificate bitch chromate mitochondria shamefaced kodachrome. bronx programmable cornish. gradate batten mantis mottle."

What on earth is he going on and on? I had once a bronx programmable cornish. It wasn't very good.

Anyway, maybe Frank was on drugs. I know he likes the odd pill... maybe I should introduce him to Emmanouil Neumann!

Streaming Movies

2005-04-27T11:15:00.000+01:00

Lourdes Russo, Trent Otero and sisters Polly and Jodi Hendricks seem to be under the impression that I am tired of not being able to keep streaming movies. I never used any streaming movies, partly because I cannot keep them, so I am not really tired, I am simply not bothered.

But, they reckon I can now get all "these HOT titles that we have all for one low price!!!"

PRICE!? Did they say price? Does that mean I have to pay for films? Let me get this straight, they download the films for free from software like EDonkey and I have to pay them to do the same? This is sounding like a great idea to me!

Mmm, maybe I'm being too cynical, cos these titles look interesting: "110% Natural vol.4", "Raincoaters POV", "Teen tryouts 16" and "world class ass vol.3"

I wonder whether I will be able to follow "110% Natural Volume 4" without seeing volumes 1 to 3. What the hell is POV anyway?

I am going to order them now just to find out, I mean I am joining them now and I hope you do the same. There is no BS and we can "get ONE WEEK FREE!"

Just click on every time skunked website

Medicationns CQP/35

2005-04-27T10:52:00.000+01:00

Emmanouil Neumann is my friend. He wants me to visit his pharmacy and he reckons that I can save 80% on Viagra, Ambien, Levitra, Cialis and many others.

I didn't really know that Emmanouil owned a pharmacy, but he does and I can visit it or order by mail and save 80%

He also reckons that I will be pleasantply surprised with their prices.

Great! I can't wait.